Is it just desire?

By: Maria Mercedes Rudnikas

The swirling, confusing, colorful dichotomy between desire and ambivalence (image created by AI).

Desire never arrives alone. It comes along with all of that I feel ambivalence for.

Between the prospect of attaining what I desire and it being fulfilled is a long stretch of ambivalence…

There is ambivalence for the thing that looks like what I want but isn’t

that feels like what I want but isn’t

that seems like what I want but isn’t

The most seductive quality of desire is not the fixed object of my desire,

but the emotion itself.

It absorbs so much of my attention and energy.

It connects me with our nature… a basic need.

It drives the fantasy of an idea, or of a possibility in which reality could reflect fantasy.

When strong desire has passed, one is left without illusions.

Normal day-to-day life doesn’t fire the belly in the same way.

Desire comes and goes, but ambivalence stays at play.