One cheap dopamine hit away from heaven

By: Jane Tabet-Kirkpatrick

I saw a TikTok the other day –the sound bite was a Chappel Roan chorus, her belting “SHE GOT, SHE GOT AWAYYYYYYYY!”, in which the video attached to the audio was of little relevance (a recording of a landscape passing by as someone films from the inside of a train). The caption, however, struck me: “I, unfortunately, am someone who thinks that every single day has to be fun.” I agree with the author of the post, of course. I am someone who also feels like every day should be a dopamine rollercoaster ride. However, I have found that a part of entering adulthood might be accepting that over indulgence in everyday life actually does not lead to overall more enjoyment sustained over a lifetime. This yearning to indulge each and every day is something that may be hindering our future interests to enjoy the most fundamental parts of being human. 

As the last month of summer draws to a close, I have begun the obligatory melancholy reflection on the passage of time –the steady slippage of my once ubiquitous youth. This summer was rather lackluster in comparison to some of my former escapades. What scared me the most was that this summer felt like a brief glimpse into the rest of my adult life: spending 40+ hours a week in an office cranking out attorney-client work product. Admittedly, this was a downgrade from my time spent gallivanting around Europe, the California coast, or touring a small chain of islands in the Atlantic. Maybe I did myself a disservice by having such a cracking good time from the ages of 18-23. 

I found the time behind a computer screen to be exhausting. This exhaustion was no doubt accelerated by my phone’s beckoning. Shiny bright lights and sounds demanding me to caress the semi-greasy screen. Then, the weekends would come and offer the false promise of rest. Every weekend, I would promise myself that I wasn’t going to do anything – that I would stay at home and clean my house or organize my closet or finally do my dishes. But instead there was always a party, a friend having drinks, a group to meet for dinner, or an event that needed attending. Cognitively, I rationalized my choices to go out, because the social influence on my phone conditioned me to think that people were constantly in a state of partying – going out to exploit our youth while we can. The phrase repeated over and over again in Reels and clips on X and in person at the bar –“we will never be this young and hot again”–  demands that we should constantly be indulging, consuming, and enjoying. Maybe some of this (a lot of this) is motivated by the uncertainty that has been created by the political climate. The insanity of the times only motivates our over indulgence and reckless disregard for the future. Whatever it may be, there was a bigger pattern that started to emerge. 

Going out never actually gave me what I really wanted. It distracted me for a moment and allowed me to relax for a brief few hours (maybe). But the mornings were always payment, they were never worth it. With a dehydration headache to start the day, I was perpetually unmotivated to ever get out of bed. Instead of doing anything remotely productive, interesting, or engaging, I would lay in bed, doomscrolling. Getting a cheap dopamine hit to counteract all the depressants that I had intentionally released into my system, all at the low cost of my mental sanity. This sucked. I was depressed, I was sick, I was tired, and the worst part for me… I was lazy. I couldn’t focus on tasks. I knew I was having a hard time when I couldn’t even wake myself up twenty minutes early to do my makeup; an activity that I usually derive the most joy from. My joy felt somehow stolen. 

I know what you’re thinking, “Jesus Chirst, Jane, this article was supposed to be about enjoyment”– and you would be right.  But even though this summer was… rough, I have some well-earned reflections. 

Our American society overconsumes nearly everything. We have the entire world struggling and in some cases quite literally slaving to feed our appetite. Our brains are so accustomed to receiving short term satisfaction in the form of cheap purchases, instant deliveries, and “little treats”. (Hey! You can even get your daily bread sent directly to you!). It’s overstimulating to be compelled to consume every second. Advertisements dominate every inch of our human spaces. Demanding our attention and our money with the false promise of a happier, richer life. Social media has exacerbated the problem, shoving pretty people down our throat who demand our attention, time, and money. Telling us that we should never be bored, and that we should join them in this radical consumption of clothes, makeup, and food. Consumption has become equated with American liberty. Our excess being showcased to the world, entertaining them as they work to make it all possible.  

One day, while driving into work, I noticed an alarming trend. Stopped at a stoplight in the middle lane, both drivers to my right and left were on their phones. I could tell they were scrolling, looking at something, watching a video, or if I’m being generous, reading an article. Regardless, I started to look for this more and more as I was driving. Watching people on their phones while stopped at a stoplight. I noticed how before I would also struggle to not reach for my phone when waiting in traffic or stopped at a red light. What could this mean? Are we entering a time when human beings can not sit and let their minds wander for even 45-120 seconds? I thought more about how important it is for human beings to do nothing. To let their mind wander off into the abyss for seconds, minutes, even hours at a time. Our brains instead feel this need to be distracted–to be saturated with cheap dopamine. It’s an addiction, the screen time that deliberately stops us from having free thoughts. Instead, we are constantly filling our minds with junk, clogging the systems of the brain, its natural curiosity and ability to entertain itself. Boredom is valuable –without boredom Newton may have never noticed that apple fall from the tree, or Galileo would have never gazed up at the sky and said “what the fuck is going on up there?” (paraphrasing).  

Social media gives humans a cheap opt out option for boredom. Its reach will no doubt be compounded by the exponential advance of technology generally, and more specifically, AI. The expanse of AI is slowly seeping its way into every crack of human life. It has dominated our life and conversations for the past three years and will continue to do so. Its growth is startling. From the dawn of the World Wide Web post-1983 to the launch of Facebook in 2004, it is perhaps both surprising and not to now have virtual assistance that can do our homework, be our therapist, and make us into cartoon characters, all at the stroke of a key. The ability for AI to do our mundane tasks should give human beings the chance to be bored again. To instead spend our time under the apple tree while machines whittle away at all the silly tasks that humans have made necessary for modern life. However, of course, this freedom is not coming. Instead, people are laid off from jobs that are necessary for their survival, with no plan from the government on how to address unemployment in the age of AI replacement. In order for people to be bored, they must have a certain level of economic comfortability, one that is not possible when you have no or very little income. Another problem is that instead of using this free time to actually become more interesting and engaged, we are just spending more of our precious time with our heads in the technological sand. 

In my highest hopes, I want AI to allow us to regain some of our time. To allow use to rest, relax, and enjoy. At my most cynical, I know that it can only make things worse for the environment, economic conditions, and for our ability to feel joy. 

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I wrote one of my first pieces with a theme drawn from the Tower of Babel (read here). I find this callback extremely relevant to now. To keep it quick and dirty, the biblical story tells of humanity all speaking a single language, attempting to build a tower to Heaven. But before they can reach it, God sees their foolish ambition and scatters them across the Earth with the inability to communicate with each other.  I am drawn to this idea now more than ever. We are the most globally connected society on the face of the planet. We can use AI and social media to break down language barriers, and not even just with each other; after all, there is some group out in the Pacific right now trying to communicate with whales. It seems that we have effectively overcome the original hindrance to building the Tower of Babel. However, in God’s (tech companies) everlasting ingenuity, they have found another way to scatter us. Instead of dividing us by language, he has divided us by depleting our time and siphoning our joy. What good is the tower to Heaven if we are huddled like depressed zombies over a brightly lit LED screen, too distracted and uninterested in the world around us to look up? The path toward a fuller life, to one of true enjoyment, to a Heaven on earth is not one of over indulgence – sucking up the time you have wasting resources with your one human life. It’s about being bored enough to sit under the apple tree and wonder if it’s possible to build a tower to Heaven.