Vestiges I kept along the way

By: Angel Perdomo

Fiction

I once heard that Gabriel Garcia Marquez said he stopped writing when the people who told him the stories died. This strongly resonated with me: The struggle of writing or pursuing any creative endeavor and losing whatever it is that allows you to exercise your craft.

I have felt many times that I have never written anything original and creative. All I write are the stories and thoughts of the people I have met along the way. In an attempt to not be arrogant, I think I understand what Garcia felt at the end of his career. 

When I think that even someone with a legacy as great as Garcia felt the same way as I do every time I write, I feel I can leave my mark with the stories I will collect throughout my life. In the spirit of this sentiment the following short writings are sketches of different stories, and feelings I have been told.  

One Depressed Friend 

I walk through the grainy grey sand. I watch my step as I go; the moon does not provide enough light tonight. I contemplate the faintly glittering ocean, or so I would like. In reality I just shyly glance at her from time to time. After a while I feel cold and anxious. I know I should not, but I look at the sea anyway. The faint reflection of the moon upon the waves invites me to get closer and before I know it I’m running at full speed. Her undertow catches me, and I welcome it. The echo of someone saying that “drowning can be a peaceful death if you let it” comes to mind. I take in a deep breath and wait for pain and peace to come… I open my eyes to the dark. I panic when I discover I can still breath under water, then I suddenly wake up in a cold sweat and the memory of my dream fades like footprints on a shore.  It’s 9 am, I have to run. 

A Friend about to Become a Father

"I am going to be a daddy," Nico said with a smile from ear to ear. "It feels so good to finally be able to say it out loud."

"Oh shit, congrats brother!" Antonio said as he turned around to hug Nico. "I didn't know that you and Emi were trying.""

"Yeah, I can finally cut this hair," Nico said, touching his hair which was well below his shoulders.

"How is that?" Antonio asked. "Is it some kind of promise?"

"Correct, this is how long we’ve been trying," Nico said while looking at the tips of his hair, feeling them with the tips of his fingers. "We’ve been trying for a long time now, but now we are in the safe zone."  

"It's kind of hard, you know?" Antonio said, "Imaging you as a dad. Do you guys know what you are having?"

"A girl", Nico said. He took a deep breath, savouring the air. "A baby girl"

"Doesn’t it scare you? Having a girl?" Antonio said, "We were once young men, you especially know how it is when you are young and how things can be for girls." 

"I have it very in my mind," Nico started, "I will say to her that I love her, and that she can trust me with anything, that she is free to be happy in any way she wants. Yeah, she can go out and have fun. I did it, and she’ll have her time too. I will tell her to use protection and to enjoy life, y que la que no es puta no disfruta, like they say in my country."

Antonio laughed after listening to Nico’s last words of wisdom, prompting Nico to join too. They both mused over the idea of how a young teenage girl would react to hear her father talk so candidly about life and how poorly it might go. "I go this way now," Antonio said, extending his hand to Nico. "I think you’ll be a great dad."

"Thank you," Nico said with a firm handshake. "I hope she feels that way too."

"Have a great night, man." 

"You too." 

Meeting an Ex   

"Hey Jane!" Jon said. "It's been a while." 

"Wow! I almost didn’t recognise you,” Jane said after taking a couple seconds to examine the face in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

"Just some work stuff," Jon replied. "I’m going back home tomorrow."

"Well," Jane said. It seems you’re doing quite well for yourself."

"You know how it is, Jon said while putting on a cocky tone. "Life is good."

They both stared at each other for a brief second, chuckling at Jon’s attempt at comedy.

"Do you have some time right now?" Jon asked. "We could go grab a coffee and catch up."

"Mmmm…"Jane pondered the question. "Yeah, there’s a good place around the corner."

Jane and Jon had not seen each other in four years. They were a couple during their university years and things had ended on bad terms. They loved each other and they never grew to hate the other. There was some anger but time smoothed any animosity and allowed for their opaque memories to gain some vibrancy. They talk about the first time meeting her ex-military grandfather and how anxious Jon was, or how embarrassed she was the first time she had to use his bathroom. The conversation led them to the first time she introduced him to her friends. 

"How is Jenny?" Jon asked. "What is of her life?"

The light atmosphere turned sour, and Jon realized he asked the wrong question. Jane gave a very grave expression. and with a dried tone simply said: 

"She is dead."

Jenny had caused a mixed impression on Jon. The first time he met her was at her house. She lived with her girlfriend Jodi. The house looked ordinary on the outside, a two-stories tall attached house in a long row of the same. The first thing that was off when entering the home was the stench, a mixture of cat urine and feces, tobacco and weed smoke, and lavender incense.When Jon and Jane went in, Jodi was the one to receive them. She was a scrawny 24 year-old girl. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants. Jodi guided them to the sofa where her cousin Jackie was. She was wearing a sports bra and shorts and was smoking weed. They were playing music on a PS4 connected to the TV. When Jenny came down stairs she was wearing an all black outfit composed of long sleeve sweater layers with a corset, a puffy skirt and knee high leather boots with a pronounced heel. Jon thought she had a pretty face but was shocked at how deep-dark-brown her teeth were. Jenny was only 20 at the time. Jon found himself talking about maths and science with Jenny. This was prompted by the several textbooks sprinkled around the room which she read for fun. These sat there in contrast with the other several books on wicca, witchcraft, tarot and crystals that she also read for fun. She was an interesting person. Jon felt sorry for Jenny. She had a condition that made her bed bound. She was always experiencing different pains and aches that prevented her from properly taking care of the house and her unemployed partner Jodi did not help whatsoever. The whole time they were there she was trying to clean things as they talked which was clearly taking a toll on her mentally and physically. She kept throwing glances at Jodi for help but Jodi was too stones to pick them up or just did not care. When they left Jenny’s house Jon was left feeling grossed out by the state house, a little traumatised by the sight of cat poop in almost every corner of the house, and extremely sad for Jenny’s situation. Jane was very embarrassed by the whole experience. She worried about what Jon might think of her after seeing how her friend was living, and she worried about how her friend was living.  "What happened?" Jon asked. "If it's okay for me to ask."

"She killed herself," Jane said after taking a deep breath. "Things were better, I don't really understand why she did it. From what she had been saying, things were really good now. Jodi apparently had gotten her shit together and was now working. Her health issues had somewhat settled. They had even recently moved into a new place with Jodi making some extra money. And then, one day Jodi just found her dead on their bed. No note, no arguments beforehand, no long depressive episode. She just did it one night, took every med she had."Fuck," Jon said after not being able to find any good words. "I’m sorry, I know you guys were close. Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Jane said. "I don't know how to feel about it. It just shows you never know what others truly feel. I can barely put into words how I feel."Jon and Jane tried to transition from the awkward spot of their conversation by bringing up work and current projects they have going on in their lives until it felt appropriate to say their goodbyes. 

"Have a good one, love," Jon said. "It was a pleasure talking to you."

"It was,"Jane said, "Have a safe trip back home."

Jane and Jon walked their separate ways feeling they had closed a chapter and that they would never see each other again.